Changing the world?

It's strange when something that was once odd, foreign, and unknown suddenly feels familiar. Lately when I walk by a little store on the side of the road, and think to myself, "I haven't been here in a while" it hits me that I have been in this country for almost a year, and the exhilarating sensation of being in a new environment has worn off.

The new group flew in yesterday and will be touring my site in a little over a week. It has me thinking back to holding my nose with one hand and wiping with the other in my host family’s latrine in San Vicente. The latrine at my house here is not as offensive. I think of the time, only a few weeks after arriving, when we toured a public hospital and I saw a woman defecating into a bedpan in an open room with a dozen other patients nearby, too distracted by their own ailments to pay any notice. It was shocking to see someone who, on one hand, had no privacy, and on the other, had no one to help her. The worst of both worlds. I remember when I walked into the school with other trainees from my host community and saw absolute mayhem, kids running everywhere, shouting, doing anything but learning. And it wasn't recess. My school is a little bit better, but not much. I remember thinking, "How do I change this?"

The answer is, you don't. Things like that are out of reach. I don't know what the answer is to underfunded hospitals and schools, teachers who don't care and kids who haven't been taught to respect authority, but I know it's not me.

I’ve learned to accept that my role here isn’t to change the world, or even the little world that rural Salvadorans know. I’m here to help them learn things that they can use to change their own lives. I’m here to teach the kids that they can make goals, that their lives are something to work at and not just a fate to accept. They don’t have to have kids at 16. I’m here to show people that by changing small habits, they can be healthier, and happier. I’m here to teach English to whoever wants to show up and learn a few words every Wednesday afternoon. Maybe they won’t remember any of it after I’m gone. It’s not just about learning English; it’s about having the guts to try something new, something hard. I’m here to give people tools to improve their lives. I’m here to be a friend, a mentor, to kids whose parents aren’t alive or around. I’m here to be me, imperfect as I am, and give what I can to people who need and want a hand.